its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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