Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
