PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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