YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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