they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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