Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
