Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
