Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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