I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
