Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need a beard to bite.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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