you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
