my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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