I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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