I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
