I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
