im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
