o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
