hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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