this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
