its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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