Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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