What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
