hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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