last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
