This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
