I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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