fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
