if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
