If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
