I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
