There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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