i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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