apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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