I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
