i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Randomize
