she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
