i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
