Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
