he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
