I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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