Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
