accomplished twins. life is a go
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
