I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
