sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize