He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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