she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
