there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
