So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
