can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The power of my boobs compel you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize