You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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