remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
