I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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