Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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