it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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