i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
