So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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