4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital