Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.