We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.