She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.