i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
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Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight