Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning