Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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