i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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