Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
