dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize