don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
