Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
