Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
