u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
