Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
