why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
