i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
