Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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