i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize