My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
