I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
