It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
