I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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