some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
