he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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