the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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