My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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