while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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